By-The-By

Of course, we've had a couple of by-elections since I've been away.

I particularly enjoyed reading about the re-election of Alan B'Stard...oops, sorry, I mean David Davis in Haltemprice and Howden.

I wasn't surprised when I heard that there were some fears that the stage may collapse at the election count - the only shock was that it was due to a record number of candidates taking part in the by-election and not down to the weight of David Davis' giant head.

(BTW I think that David Cameron should be as worried of David Davis for his giant head almost as much as he should be scared of him for his giant hand.)

And whilst the costly ego trip probably excited very few people, apart from those political geeks who were fascinated by the fight for second place between the Green Party and The English Democrats (a mere 15,300 odd votes behind Davis) which even went to a recount (such was the boredom with the rest of the contest), I for one would like to stick up for the right of the candidates who stood to be taken seriously.

I am sure that David Icke, The Miss Great Britain Party and Mad Cow Girl all would have made great MPs given the chance to tackle the major problems facing the UK right now. Hell, even David Davis could have been taken seriously had his crusade against Big Brother focused a bit less on the inherent dangers of Government intervention and concentrated more closely on how rubbish Series 9 has been this year.

But then came a man who shattered all those arguments of credibility. Reverend George Hargreaves and his Christian Party.

Yes, it seems George has moved his Christian Party back South of the Border following the success of his Scottish Christian Party (not to be confused with the Socttish Christian People's Alliance, which polled more votes but had less success with some of it's members when it moved in the same direction). And as you can see from this video (pictured above) they now think the most dangerous thing facing the UK at the moment is the EU referendum.

Now I'm not sure where in the Bible it actually mentions the EU, let alone the scriptural necessity to call a referendum, but I am glad George has brought it to all our attentions. Just like his inferences that voting for the Sexual Orientation Regulations may bring persecution of Christians in the UK similar to those seen in Nazi Germany.

The real problem with George is that he takes himself too seriously. Scrub that, the real problem with George is that he takes himself seriously at all. He should just do what the rest of us do when we hear him, and just laugh himself silly. It may get him some crucial votes.

Because although his 76 votes at the Haltemprice and Howden by-election is vaguely respectable for a man of his calibre - securing 16th place just ahead of the Church of the Militant Elvis candidate - if he had just got one more vote he could have tied for 15th place with Grace Astley (Independent).

A real testament (no pun intended) to his abilities...and then just 3 places and 33 votes behind David Icke, 8 places 325 votes behind Mad Cow Girl and 10 places 444 votes behind the Miss Great Britain Party.

Now that would have been a really impressive achievement for him, wouldn't it?
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In Loo Of Recent Posts...

Hello again, did you miss me?

Thought not.

Just a fly-in visit, I'm afraid - sadly I still haven't been able to sort out an internet connection yet at our new flat. (And when I say "I haven't", I mean "Virgin Media hasn't", but more of that later.) So prepare for 2 days of intense blogging, followed by another 2 weeks of silence.

(If I were you, I'd make the most of the silence. ;-))

So what have I missed in the last month while I've been away lying on a Caribbean beach sipping rum with my beautiful new wife (or going round a variety of homewhere stores on the outskirts of Manchester looking at curtains and build-it-yourself flat-pack furniture sets)? Well bits and bobs I guess, but stuff that would usually occupy me with blogging opportunities for hours on end.

I am particularly gutted, for example, that Tom Watson MP has out-exclusived me on a development in the Parliamentary toilets. Territory, at least in a blogging sense, which used to be my own to prowl.

Although I wouldn't have been quite so surprised about the bio-hazard warning.

Whether it's Portcullis House or Norman Shaw South, everyone should be well aware of the House Authorities tough approach to spillages!
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(Photo Credit: Tom Watson MP)

The Perfect Match

No, not a reference to the bore draw between Italy and Spain that is petering out into penalties at the moment, but rather our rather more exciting wedding yesterday.

Both myself and Linsay had a lovely day, and can we just say thank you to everyone who was able to come and share this special day with us.

24 hours in we are both really enjoying married life (no major rows as yet!), and are really looking forward to flying off to the Caribbean on Tuesday.

Won't be back on here for a couple of weeks, but hopefully you'll find something almost as fun as what we are doing for the inbetween time. :-)

Don't miss us too much!

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(Photo Source: Chu)

It's Oh So Quiet (Sssh, Sssh)

OK, I apologise that this is likely to be my last post for the next 2-3 weeks, but I'm off up to Scotland this afternoon for the wedding (on Saturday) and I suspect that I am not going to have the time or means to blog for a while.

And I certainly won't be live blogging the honeymoon. ;-)

So in the meantime you'll have to make do with this photo of me and Linsay - think of it as a test-card for the new uninteractive channel, BBC Bored.

After the wedding we're off to St Lucia for 10 days (nope, I'm not sure we can afford it either!), and as it stands we don't have an internet connection in the new flat, so if you wonder why it's all a bit quiet then you'll know why!

You'll also forgive me if I keep comment moderation on for the duration - sadly there have been one or two people causing a nuisance in the comments section and I don't really want to have to keep logging on to delete stuff.

But I'll wade through them all when I come back - your comment will be held in a queue, but it is important to us, thank you for your patience. Press 1 to exit at any time. Etc.

So long, it's been good to know you. Back in a bit. Toodle-pip, ta-ra, adieu and so forth.

All offers of writing work gratefully received in my absence at kerroncross@hotmail.com. Thanks!
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(Photo Source: Chu, from a wedding last year in Northern Ireland)

R.Soles Shopping

One of the things that has amused my puerile schoolboy humour over the last few weeks has been travelling past this shop (pictured left) on my way to and from the hospital for treatment on my poorly finger.

Somehow I never quite tire of looking up from my newspaper, whilst sitting on the bus, and seeing people going into R.Soles.

The shop is a genuine one and is situated on the Kings Road in Chelsea. Now I know that you probably think there are a lot of R.Soles on the Kings Road, but it's actually the only one.

(Oh how you'll miss the observations when I am away over the next couple of weeks.)
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Interesting Observation Of The Day

I am sure many other people have picked this up over recent days, but well done to the person who pointed out to me the interesting fact that David Davis - the ego-driven caller of pointless by elections - shares the same constituency as arch right wing Tory MP Alan B'Stard from 80s satire The New Statesman.

B'Stard was a right-wing Tory MP for Haltemprice, whereas Davis represents Haltemprice and Howden.

I am sure that is the only similarity they have, and it would be wrong of you to suggest otherwise. ;-)
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The End Of An Era

Well, my time has come.

After 9 and a half years working within Parliament, I am moving on to pastures new. In fact today is my last day in Westminster.

Please don't miss me too much, I am sure you won't.

It probably says much about how long I've been inside the 'Westminster bubble' but that I don't even have any photographs of me from when I started here back in the dark old days of January 1999, when both Oasis and the Labour Government were popular.

Although I should stress that there is no truth in the rumour that cameras weren't invented back then. Also there is no truth in the rumour that I used to be a bag carrier for Stafford Cripps in Clem Attlee's Government of the 1940s.

Whilst I am going to keep my cards close to my chest about what I am leaving to do, all I will say is that it is still a role in politics and it's a small promotion. You will forgive me, given past experiences, if I don't say more than that for now.

I am extremely grateful for the experience of working here and for the friendships I have made across the parties. If anyone is down here wants to say a brief goodbye (even if it's just to make sure I am really leaving!), then please do come and join us in the Sports and Social to sink a couple of Diet Cokes or whatever.

The end of an era. Or should that be error. I never know.
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(Photo Source: Ailsa Cunningham)

Can Non Scots Become MPs in Scotland?

One of the things that has been said to me fairly regularly, having lost out in a couple of Parliamentary selections in Scotland in the past year, is that it is almost impossible for people who were born outside of Scotland to get selected North of the Border.

Personally, I simply believe that on 2 occasions I have come up against a stronger more local candidate who deserved to win - but I did think that it was worth some further research to see if the claims have any substance.

And this is what I found...

Out of the 58 MPs with Scottish constituencies, I have been able to find out where 57 were born (I cannot find any public information thus far on where Bob Smith was born, if you know this please get in touch).

Out of those 57 MPs, 49 were born somewhere in Scotland.

8 were born outside Scotland, they are made up as follows:

1 born in Northern Ireland
(Michael Moore - Berwickshire, Roxburgh and Selkirk - born in Dundonald.)

1 born in Pakistan
(Mohammad Sarwar - Glasgow Central - born in Pirmahal.)

1 born in Australia
(John Barrett - Edinburgh West - born in Hobart, Tasmania.)

And 5 born in England
(Alistair Darling - Edinburgh South West - born in London.)
(Mark Lazarowicz - Edinburgh North - born in Dagenham, London.)
(Malcolm Bruce - Gordon - born in Birkenhead.)
(Gordon Banks - Ochill - born in Acomb, Northumberland.)
(Angus Robertson - Moray - born in Wimbledon, London.)

So out of that list of 8 there are 4 Labour MPs, 3 Lib Dems and, possibly more interestingly, 1 SNP MP.

Angus Robertson, SNP MP for Moray, born in leafy suburban Wimbledon, England. I bet he keeps that quiet!

So what does all this information tell us? Well, I'll let you decide, but it is interesting that most of those seats seem to be in or around Edinburgh.

But on this evidence, can non-Scots become MPs in Scotland?

Yes, but not many.
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(Image Source: Kbolino, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Flag_of_Scotland.svg)

The Joys Of Technology

Just watching the football on BBC1.

I have to say I am becoming increasingly annoyed with this graphic that pops up on the screen during the game telling me that I can also watch this game on HD TV, via the web, on interactive or by pressing the red button.

Look I am watching this on BBC1, that is how you are able to tell me I can watch it elsewhere....but why would I want to watch it elsewhere when I am already watching it here?

Perhaps they want us to put it on the internet and on about 2 other TVs in the same room just to push up their ratings? Who knows, but it does strike me as slightly weird.
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(Image Source: Pumbaa80, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Soccer_ball.svg)

Meeting The Archbishop Of Canterbury

I've been extremely lucky and privileged over the last few days to be able to meet two people I have an enormous amount of respect for and who I find deeply inspiring.

Last week it was Gordon Brown, and yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury.

I have said before that I am quite a fan of Rowan, and I am not ashamed at all to repeat that here.

And whilst I won't repeat what was said in the private meeting we had (with a handful of other MPs and Parliamentarians), I have to say that these two meetings have made me feel very passionate again about politics and the the need for us to make a difference in our own small contributions.

However it has also made me start to covet the Archbishop's beard.

Maybe I should just join the ranks of CofE beardies and be done with it?
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(Photo Source: Brian, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Rowan_Williams_-_by_Brian.jpg)

(Left) Hand It To Kevin Pietersen

Anyone see that Kevin Pietersen reverse slog sweep the other day in the One Day Cricket match versus New Zealand?

If you haven't, it's worth watching here.

It's worth pointing out that he had already hit the same bowler for 6 doing exactly the same thing earlier in the game (sadly it isn't available on Youtube for us to watch back though).

Is it unfair for someone to change mid delviery to a left-handed as opposed to a right-handed batting stance to gain an advantage? There is some discussion about it in the game, but Pietersen gives his views on whether this practise should be outlawed with his trademark humility:

"I don't agree at all. To be honest, if you're playing right-handed you shouldn't even have the ability to hit left-handers for six like I do, so no, it's not a problem."

And I guess he has a point. No-one really complained about people reverse sweeping or trying these shots when they didn't get many runs (or the person was so inept they just got themselves out), but now we have someone who is good enough to play these shots, it's a problem.

But what a nice problem to have! ;-)
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James Gives It A Good Tri

Regular readers will be aware that one of the Reedites has a penchant for triathlons. Now I know that having the toned and muscular physique that I do, that you'll all expect it to be me - but in fact it is our fellow Parliamentary Champion, James Radford.

Well a few days ago James took part in the triathlon at Blenheim, and I am sure you all know what that means...another comedy finish line video.

In case you are interested you can view his other big finishes by following the relevant links here and here.

But his new one (and can you bear the tension?), is available here by clicking this link and entering bib number 4066.

Is it just me or does James look a bit like an 80s rapper/Mr Motivator fan there?

Apparently he even beat his time of 1 hour 34 mins (or was that 15 hours 04 mins and 46 secs?), so well done him.

We were planning to appeal to his better judgment by doing a forward roll or moonwalk over the line to make his next triathlon video a bit more entertaining, but sadly he has apparently already gone off to audition to be a part of a very passable London Boys/Cameo tribute act in the meantime.

Word up.

UPDATE: James claims he did the race in 1 hour and 29 mins - about how long it would take me to do the swimming part, coincidentally. Can someone try and spot a clock in the video so we can disprove it again? Thanks.
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Tory Problems In Wales

I joked the other day that some people may get confused about which Tory MP had just stood down to fight a by election and that many may think it was David Davies the MP for Monmouth.

Well it seems that many journalists (and others) have made exactly that mistake, deluging the Welsh MP asking why he is standing down.

So can we just make clear for those people unable to use Google correctly, that David Davies has much better things to do than massage his own ego with a completely pointless by election in Hull.

I mean one thing he may want to do instead, whilst he is in Wales, is do something about the leading Conservative Welsh assembly member who just described the Italians as "greasy wops".

Just a thought.
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Will Davis Supporting Labour Rebels Face Action?

One of the interesting spin-offs from the David Davis ego trip...sorry, principled call for a by election, is that a couple of Labour MPs have apparently announced that they are going to support Davis at the by election.

I say apparently, because the quotes in The Times article seem to be as follows:

“I applaud David Davis’s decision to resign and fight a by-election on the single issue of civil liberty”, said Bob Marshall-Andrews, Labour MP for Medway, who would be defending a 213 vote majority if he wasn't already standing down at the next election.

“The election will obviously transcend party politics and I have written to David Davis to inform him that I will be happy to accept any invitation to speak during the course of his campaign to ensure that the voice of a substantial part of the Labour party may be heard.”

Ian Gibson, the Labour MP for Norwich North who turns 70 in September and is defending a 5,459 majority, said: “Davis has a good argument. You can call it a stunt or a gimmick, but there is a serious side to this. I’m quite happy to join in. I’d be quite happy to share that platform to talk about what I think.”

So from what I read there neither MP actually seems to say they will support Davis' election campaign, only that they agree with debating the issue and they would be happy to come and debate the issue with Davis. Quite why The Times thinks that these two MPs could not do this from a Labour perspective is not clear, but maybe they know something which they haven't published. I doubt it. This sort of supposition just sells papers and attempts to give comfort to a floundering Tory press stunt...sorry, reasoned and well thought out stand on a matter of principle.

The Times also says: "Any Labour MP who actively supports a candidate from a rival party in an election would be guilty of a serious breach of party rules. The normal penalty is the withdrawal of the party whip.".

Now, that is not my understanding of party rules. I thought that the rules state you cannot support a candidate who is standing against a Labour Party candidate. So if Labour do not field a candidate in this by election, could the Party take any action even if they wanted to?

Plus beyond removal of the whip, what can you do to 2 MPs who may well not even stand at the next election? There's little point threatening deselection, is there?

But as I say, they don't seem to have said they will support Davis anyway - so it seems a bit of a moot point, doesn't it?
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(Photo Source: Jill Fennell via ClemRutter, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:MedwayCLPBob_and_Big_Ben.JPG)